Words cannot express how emotional and sentimental I am today. It hit me all at once this evening as we arrived back from a long vacation. I wound up rocking Lil B to sleep tonight and that it when I started to reminisce.
I recall the last time I held him and rocked him. The last time I shared a quiet special moment with him it was during an early morning nursing session just six days before he turned nine months old. It would be the last time I nursed him and a milestone and heartbreak for myself.
As I write this, 365 days ago and in just two and a half hours I would give birth to this amazing human being. It is incredible how fast and slow a year can go. I celebrate and congratulate both of us for working together, to learn from each other and to learn how to care for the other. The relationship I share as Lil B’s mother is something I cannot imagine going through life without…the irony is that I never thought I would.
I’ve learned so much about myself, and the following may seem negative but in reality it isn’t. In life, I believe what challenges you recreates aspects of you you never knew existed.
I’ve learned…
– to ask myself what really matters and not care if others agree
– to ask myself what I want to do for the rest of my life and be okay with not knowing the answer
– to be scared, but not worry about being scared
– to be comfortable with my body and okay with the parts I hate about it
– to be in the moment as much as my mind wants to wander onto unimportant issues
– to appreciate the small skills and abilities never considered on a day to day basis, like full ability to move your fingers or place a ring on a cone or to be able to communicate with language instead of emotion
– that I need to work on liking and loving myself more
– that I don’t need to know all the answers but get frustrated that I don’t
There is so much more too, more that I am not yet able to express. All I know is this little one is one special little guy. And he has already made my world a better place.
