Wow. From 20-23 months we have seen Lil B’s learning sky rocket. This week he has been singing the happy birthday song and today I heard him sing twinkle twinkle little star. I was amazed because I didn’t know he knew the lyrics.

Which makes me realize once again that children can and will learn new things when they are not with you, as heartbreaking as that is.

These past few days have been bittersweet as I’ve had Lil B all to myself while my husband visits his sick grandmother. The saying “life is so fragile” has never meant more to me in the face of my own son and that of my husbands grandmother.

As I get older it seems life becomes more real…that sounds so dumb and naive but maybe I have been living in some fantastical world where nothing has ever really gone wrong. I’ve been touched by sadness and pain but probably not to a level that is unimaginable like losing a parent or child. Or knowing that someone dear is enduring so much pain, discomfort and suffering without knowing when that end is in sight. That is real. Those moments, which are not moments at all but actual days, weeks, months and years that make life so real without escape. This is the bitter.

The sweet? My dear Lil B whom I har had the pleasure of spending all this time with while Daddy was out of town. He is no angel all the time, but he is smart, he listens, he smiles and laughs and wants to just live life as it comes. The sweet part of life he holds in every moment that he enters just by living in it – without fear, worry, stress. The unknown is not even something he can comprehend which makes me envy childhood. But I do not want to go back, I never have because even with all the reality of life and everything it throws at me – I love it. I love where I am, the experiences I’ve lived and you can’t have those if you go back. I do not want to get older I just want to live longer. Can someone help me with that?

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